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Got a Date? Rules of Hand On Body Language

If you undertook a quick survey asking your friends, colleagues and acquaintances on what qualities they looked for in a mate, in all probability high on the list will be a smashing body. This preference has been labelled as vain by many, yet many more in search of the perfect mate, hit the gym. It doesn’t end there as we still sweat it out together exercising as couples once we land Mr/Miss perfect. All that just to keep the fire alive. Just for a chance to mate. But what if, as has been the subject of many Hollywood flicks and the subject of many hit songs, what it really took to be hit some sucess in the dating game was to be flawless in picking good vibes? To be a master reader of body language?
a cartoon of an unintersted female with a desperate male lurking emblematic of the miscommunication of body language
The commonly propagated cliche is that most men prefer the “mannequin” European beauty epitomized by long legs, tiny waist, perfect breasts and  sizable rear. However as the physique of Samantha, the sex doll, suggests, a good number of men seem to prefer the more voluptuous type ,’ thick’  as the web calls it, an ‘African figure’ as my dad would call it.

On the Venus side of the debate, Hollywood has made it sure that the stereotype is for a tall, dark, square-jawed sculptured male with a nice butt to boot too. A friend always jokes that it all depends too on the size of the wallet as a midget can be as tall as Idris Elba once they stand on their fat wallet.

The science of body language

Some observers in sociology blame all this obsession on the body on the sex sells movement that over deploys ‘subluminal’ marketing that plays on these stereotypes. Psychologists continue to explore the contribution of 21st century phenomenon, particularly social media in propagating these dogmas.

As noted in this review by Dr. Ng of Yale University,” Social media has amplified age-old pressures for teen-age girls to conform to certain sexualized narratives, as well as opened up new and uncharted ways for them to do so.” A likely consequence of all this can easily be mistaken to be confirmation of the highs sexual liberalism of the 21st century. Moreover, internet porn has significantly altered sexuality in a myriad of ways.

Evolutionary science fronts the selfish gene theory as a plausible explanation. A layman’s version of Darwin’s seminal contribution portends that life in which ever form exists to primarily to achieve its prime goal: to selfishly propagate itself. Therefore, human beings as complex forms of life are no exception to this rule — thus the apparent focus on sexuality and reproduction potential in the search for a life partner.

What a mess !

Complex right? Well, the next time you are out an a date trying hard to pick good vibes from the body language of your date, do consider that all these forces could be all on play. Social pressures to conform to social groups; social engineering form marketing nudging your date to want to act in certain ways and even evolutionary forces ingrained in their genes. What a mess!

Luckily, this fascination with the body is as old as humans. In investigating the evolution of language, it has emerged that speech is a rather new communication tool. Body language is thought to have preceded speech and to date remains an integral part of human communication.

Body language consists of a host of signs that include smiles, posture, gesture and touch that communicate a thought, idea and even emotion. The problem with body language lies not in its absence, but rather on the lack of skills in understanding it by many of us. Yet, body language is like a movie that  if well watched, could reveal much more than words could.

For instance when out for a date, the distance that your date keeps between you and them could be an indicator of how well your charms have been received. However, as much as body language is revealing don’t be a fool for it. Not all hints are unintentional and subconsciously conveyed. Just like the spoken word, with flattery, it is liable to manipulation. Faking.

We are all guilty of faking. Like flashing that fake smile when in actual sense you loathe the person. Women are constantly accused of using tears to get their way. Those adept at flirting their way through life know that a touch here and there is sure to soften the target. If in doubt, the most astute of communicators — Politicians,  businessmen, musicians and religious leaders — invariably use gestures to drive their message home.

So how do you tell if a person means what they are saying both in body and spoken word?

The trick lies in effective listening and interpreting every gesture and word in context. What do I mean by this? Everything that is being said should be collectively viewed rather than singularly analyzed. To use an analogy to communicate this clearer: A constellation is not made up of one star.

Back to our question: How do you know if your date is into you?

Look at the pupils. Dilated pupils mean that the person likes what they are seeing, unless of course they are on drugs. Unlike a smile, a flirtatious flirt or a lean forward towards you, dilated pupils cannot be faked. The eyes are indeed the gateways to the soul.

Check out these gems from Science of People on ‘female body language’ for more holistic take and wikihow’s ‘How to read women’s body language for flirting’ for a directed take. Wishing you love, fun and laughs.

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